Hush now, don't explain, you're the cause of all my trouble and pain.

Thank you, Rachel Hook, for your musical taste. This title comes from 'Don't Explain' by Cat Power.

I’ve never been much of a history buff, and unfortunately, I lack the ability to summarize any historical event well. But- I will tell you what I know.

I know that in the 1970’s Cambodia came under the control of the Khmer Rouge- a corrupt communist regime. Khmer Rouge leaders were obsessed with the idea that their rule and revolution in Cambodia be "pure." Their revolution was characterized by such principles as: no tolerance for individuality, they believed intelligence was a threat, and therefore executed college students, teachers, and doctors in particular. The Khmer Rouge’s ideology regarding Cambodian people was, “to preserve you is no gain, to destroy you is no loss.” They only sought to create a ‘perfect’ agrarian, self-sufficient society. Somewhere along the way their value of the human life was completely lost. Their ugly dreams took precedence over humanity.

Under Khmer Rouge rule, the country saw famine, injustice, and genocide. In three-and-a-half years, out of a population of eight million people, more than two million people had died. It was one of the most lethal regimes of the 20th century.

I’ve been having a really hard time just studying, and learning of these events in Cambodia. It’s hard to believe that this all happened, not so long ago. It’s impossible to believe that such a regime could ever exist. How could it? Why didn’t anyone stop it? I suppose we ask these questions of all the genocides that line our world’s history. It’s devastating. It’s hard to swallow. It’s simply unjustifiable. But then we ask, what could we have done? What can we do?

Maybe I’m a bit of a hippie, but can we not just love? And I don’t mean simply our families, our friends. Can we not try to love those that we think are impossible to love, those that are so different from us? Our enemies even? How did we even come to make enemies in the first place? It seems I’m asking many a question, and giving few answers. But I think they are questions that are important to find answers to, not simply think on.

I think Martin Luther King Jr. had it right when he said, “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?’” Because if we haven’t each other, what do we have?

Alas, the wheels in my head are turning, and I think this post has become rather complicated. I hope you have found some worth in it. I’ll be in Cambodia soon- and I will write on what I find there.

(If you want to read more on Cambodia's history, check out http://www.mekong.net/cambodia/)

'Cause when it's over all that matters is the love you gave away.

I've decided to quote songs for titles whenever I am able, to express my gratitude for the beautiful soundtracks I've received from dear friends. Those words were sung by Rosie Thomas, given to me via mixed CD by my beautiful friend Lorah Campbell. Thank you, pal!

I haven't much to say, seeing as I'm working on a Cambodian History (don't worry- it's not too lengthy) post that I hope to put up soon! So I thought you might just like to meet some more of my students.

(This is Name. Age 7. Think he might have trouble introducing himself if he travels abroad?)

(This is Kampan. Age 5. He likes yellow.)

(This is Lucien. Age 4. Okay, so, she's not really my student, but she visits me everyday.)

(Students with their really awesome teacher!)

Fact: One should receive 13 hugs a day for good health.

My apologies, my friends! I’ve received a few complaints about my lack of blogging in recent weeks. So. Please forgive me, Ali, Peter! I hope you haven’t forgotten me and my adventure!

Have you ever loved so deeply that it physically hurts you? My mom and I had a conversation about this not too long ago. When you love someone with your whole heart it’s as if it’s going to burst! Isn’t it? And in the absence of such loved ones you recognize how full your heart is, and it becomes heavy. Doesn’t it? Let me explain.

Thai culture is puzzling. The people are the kindest I’ve ever met in the world. They are full of life and of love. But it is a culture void of much affection. Physical touch is not prominent- particularly between men and women. It’s radical to see young teenagers holding hands with one another. As a result, Thai people are awful huggers. I don’t hold this against them (pun intended- cha-ching!), but it’s killing me in the whole ‘you are supposed to have 13 hugs a day for good health’ rule that I adhere to. To bring these two thoughts together- my heart is painfully heavy for a big hug and kiss from my mom and dad. I’m very fortunate in that both my parents are outstanding huggers. Love you mom! Love you pops! My friends, too, excel in the hugging department. I will never take your embraces for granted, ever again, my sweet friends.

(This is Sare- she's a good hugger here. Whew.)

It would be careless of me not to note, that while most Thai folk lack in the physical affection department, itty bitty children are excluded. My little (in stature, not quantity) Saturday class of 4 and 5 year olds probably fulfills my quota of hugs in the short 2 hours I spend with them. Oh, the beauty of children! They are such incredible people, and such natural huggers. Without them I would simply die. And while I cannot live without my little ones, some of the older children I teach are remarkable as well. I recently asked 11 year-old Noodee, “If you had one million baht, what would you do with it?” After a delicate pause she replied, “I would buy clothing for children who have no parents.” I do believe we’ve got a little social activist on our hands. Oh, the ways in which these children inspire me! And their imaginations are unlike anything I’ve known in such a long time. They are full of creativity. We have much to learn from children and their perspectives.

“We find a delight in the beauty and happiness of children, that makes the heart too big for the body.”
(Emerson)


That our hearts could be bigger than our bodies! What burdens do we carry that children do not? Worry? Stress? Perhaps we should spend more time seeking peace, and less time building our schedules. Maybe we should take more time to do the things that we love, and spend time with those that we love. Perhaps we should reflect on life more! I know that this was a struggle of mine before I came to Thailand. Now that I am in a country of greater simplicity and ease I have been learning that joy is found in the smallest and quietest of occurrences. It is in a child’s hug, it is in a poem that makes you cry every time (from a book that your mother sent you across the ocean), it is in receiving an encouraging note from a friend, it is in receiving a compliment, it is learning to be thankful for an inhale and an exhale. It is in enduring the heaviness of heart because you are thankful to have the ability to love deeply.

I hope that today you look for, and find significance in moments that would otherwise just pass you by- that you might experience a delight that makes your heart far too big for your body.

One day at a time.

Once I posted a video of myself, I quickly decided that perhaps that wasn't such a great idea. I might lose a few friends as a result. Thus, I am swiftly writing another post to distract you.

I've been seeing elephants walk down Chonkasem (one of the main roads in Surat Thani that I work and live on) lately. I freak out every time. It's so amazing! I saw a baby elephant yesterday. What could be better? And I'm currently planning my holiday in April with my co-worker Erika. We're heading to Chiang Mai. Our main goal is to ride an elephant. And for me, that is my only goal. It must happen. Or else.

So what is new? I think I've finally found my groove. I feel comfortable teaching, riding motorbikes, and ordering food. Life is good. I also went to a beach a few weeks ago, got to hang out in a rice field, soak up the sun. I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.

I'll tell you what- last night I had an interesting conversation with my good mates, Tom and Sarah (why, yes, I did just say mate- as in, friend). We watched Slumdog Millionaire. Have you seen it? After the film we talked about poverty. And we talked about how interesting Thailand is in regards to it. It is a poor country.. but not in an in-your-face kind of way. I would've expected so much more. But Thailand seems to have all it needs right here- the food is abundant, it's not too hot, and most everyone has a roof over their heads. We then discussed the fact that most everyone seems to own small businesses- perhaps it's a coffee shop (like the one I am sitting in now), a corner store, a small restaurant. Often times these businesses don't last and they soon turn it into something else- a hair salon, another restaurant, etc. They do whatever brings in a little business, and they make enough to survive and live well, by Thai standards. We've noticed that here, there isn't much discussion about dreams, future goals, desires. My initial reaction was sadness in this. How sad that these people don't have dreams, and don't think of what they could do, or be! But the more we discussed, the more I realized that perhaps I have no reason to feel sorry. It is simply a different way of thinking, of life. The Thai people may not be dreaming about the future because they have mastered the art of living for the day. The very thing I've been trying to do! I think I am in the perfect place for learning this. Dreams are beautiful and good, but they should not paralyze us in living now. This day has so much to offer- so much beauty to be seen, so many people to learn from, and grow with, so many chances to take. Today is a dream, and I should be thankful for it.

Dream, dream, dream! Dream of where you will go, what you will see, who you will meet- TODAY!