It's just like the present, to be showing up like this.

A child needs a grandparent, to grow a little more securely into an unfamiliar world.
(Charles and Ann Morse)

Sometimes I completely forget that I’m half-way around the world. But then- I remember when I hop online to buy a domestic plane ticket up to Bangkok for a weekend, that I’m not in Ohio anymore. I remember when I stop and actually listen to everyone around me- ‘why, they’re not speaking English!!’ I remember when I bum out that I can’t celebrate Rachel Hook’s birthday with her at The Receiver show. (Happiest Birthday soon, dear friend!) And unfortunately, I remembered this week when I lost my grandfather. I wanted (and if I’m honest, still want) nothing more than to be home.

My grandfather, Floyd Buchanan, was not a man I knew well. In fact, it’s just been over the past few years that I began seeing him again annually. My brother and I tagged him as a ‘fictional character’ in regards to his funny antics. He was a slow moving, jokester, to say the least: a grandpa. I remember the things he’d love to say to me (include thick accent, please), “Girl, there ain’t nothin’ to you.” Or, “How much do you weigh?” And of course, “You look just like your mama.” He had a way of complimenting me, and putting a smile on my face.

I have warm memories of spending time with my brother, cousins, and Aunt, in Southern Missoura where my grandfather lived. We rode four wheelers that were far too large for our little bodies. I learned to drive a go-kart. We ate dozens of What-cha-ma-kulits. And because I was the youngest- I found the movies we watched to be terrifying, while no one else really did (Children of the Corn, Kujo). And it was in Missouri that I’d adopt a southern accent naturally, for a few weeks. My grandfather undoubtedly accompanies each and every one of those distant memories.

More than anything, my grandfather was the father of my father- he is my flesh and blood- my family. And the only people in our lives that we cannot choose, are our families. God chooses them for us. It sets them apart, by far. He has woven our ancestors, the parents of our parents, into the tapestry of our lives, and we are who we are, because of them. I feel a certain awe when I think of my grandparents in this light. And to put it simply, I am sad that he is gone.

My dad says that my grandfather is in heaven, and he’s as young as he’s ever been. I will celebrate and be confident in this.

Hello, June!

It comforts me to know that the weather is warming up in Ohio, and that similarly, it’s warm here. Perpetually. The reason I say that is because any time I see snow, or mention snow, or autumn for that matter, I become very nostalgic and miss home. So, cheers to the warmth!

I’ll have you know, I’m so excited about this month! And I have to admit, I feel rather accomplished that I’ve made it this far. When I count the months on my fingers, I’m always impressed with myself. January.. February.. March.. you get the point.

So, it seems that the past several weeks have been bursting with one notion in particular. A friend of my dad’s, who was in great shape, passed away suddenly of a heart attack. My dear friend Sarah, here in Suratthani, lost her grandfather. A young boy in our town died in a car accident. Our newest teacher of one month, headed back to the U.S. yesterday because her grandfather was given 2 weeks to live. And I’ve just learned that a fellow I know here in Thailand has cancer. I’ve been thinking of nothing but the idea that life is fragile.

The course in which I processed this idea has been complex, and an ongoing one. At first I was fearful, and ridiculously homesick. The thought of being away from dear friends and family for just one second was killing me. I kept wondering if it was worth the experience here to be away from home, and I was never satisfied with what I came up with in my mind. I ran myself in circles, into a pretty sad state. But then I listened to ‘Big Rich’- Rich Nathan- in his Challenge of Death message and was reminded of the one who has overcome death! I find great comfort in knowing that God is above all things, even death. In the gospel of John, Jesus says, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” In Jesus we have comfort and security- something I believe cannot be found anywhere else.

But still.. I continue to think on this idea: life, here on this earth, is fragile. It convinces me once more that it’s important to live in this moment. Right now. What should I do with it? Should I worry? Of course, not. Should I be angered? No. Death puts life into perspective, doesn’t it?

I’ve always been a quotation fanatic, so I’d like to use a few individual’s thoughts to express some of the deductions I’ve also come to.

“Don’t strew me with roses after I’m dead.
When Death claims the light of my brow.
No flowers of life will cheer me: instead
Give me my roses now!”
(Thomas F. Healey)

Oh, the importance of showing and verbalizing love to the ones dearest to you, now!

Let children walk with Nature, let them see the beautiful blendings and communions of death and life, their joyous inseperable unity, as taught in the woods and meadows, plains and mountains and streams of our blessed star, and they will learn that death is stingless indeed, and as beautiful as life.
(John Muir)

I always seem to make somethin’ out of nothin’.

(I made a new friend right before I came to Thailand- and thanks to his reconciliation with the ‘ole Post Office, I am able to benefit from his terrific musical taste. Hi, Case! Thanks for the Vetiver- from whom I am stealing a lyric for today’s blog post.)

So I’ve learned quite a few things about myself while living in Thailand- one of them simply being that I’ve changed over the years- not only in hair color, age, and location, but also in some other ways. In residing with a few wonderful girls in college, who were much cleaner than I, I’ve adopted some of their ways of living. Girls (and parents), you’re not going to believe this, but I make my bed every morning, and I wash dishes immediately after using them. When this change occurred, I cannot be certain, but it has. In addition to cleanliness, I’ve become ridiculously organized- ask my co-workers. I make to-do lists like you wouldn’t believe. I practically make to-do lists about my to-do lists. So I’ve decided that whenever I haven’t an inspirational thought to offer (like now), I’ll just make a list. Are you down with this?

Today my list is a bit cliché- but nevertheless, it is as follows:

Top 10 Things I Love About Thailand
(in no particular order)

1. Fame: If you’re a foreigner living in Surat Thani, it’s the equivalent of having made several major motion pictures in the States. Everyone wants to say hello to you, tell you that you are beautiful, and sometimes they even want to take pictures with you. And no, it never gets old.

2. Smiles: The smiles you offer to friends and strangers alike are always reciprocated. It beats the whole ‘look away and act awkward’ response that is more common in the west.

3. The Wai: This is a greeting, and moreover a sign of respect- when you bring your hands in a bit of a prayer position near your chin, elbows in, and drop your head a bit. I never tire of the wai. It’s a beautiful tradition.

4. Good Eats: My staple Thai diet includes spicy papaya salad, cashew chicken, fried rice, shrimp tempura, and dragon fruit. Aroi, mai? (translation: delicious, no?)

5. Thai Kids: By this point I think I’ve made it abundantly clear that Thai children are fantastic, and I absolutely adore my job. Some of the coolest people I think I’ve ever known are Cartoon (age 4), Kong (age 4), and Boat (age 13). Boo yaw.

6. Breeze: A cool Thai breeze is a thing of great comfort and relief. There is absolutely nothing like waking up to a cool morning in this town.

7. My Ride: It’s orange, it’s quick, and it has a bell- that’s my bicycle! Oh, and I’m also saving the environment one day at a time. My Chevy is but a distant dream.

8. Time: Everything is slower in Thailand, and you end up with significant down time- whether you like it or not. Personally, I’ve finally been able to read some books, write some things, and learn some music. (I guess now I have no excuse for not updating my blog more often. Oops!)

9. Snail Mail: I love writing and I love receiving. It’s just that simple.

10. Perspective: Traveling half-way around the globe gives you some. You see the way other people live, how they survive, what they value, what they find joy in. It’s not always better or worse, it’s simply different. But alas, it changes you.

We’ll catch up in June, my friends. ‘Til then!

You can take the road that takes you to the stars.

Thank you, Jason, coolest boss of all time, who will probably never see this blog post- for your wonderful mix. Title comes from Nick Drake’s song, Road.

Okay- let us all take a moment to congratulate me- I’ve made it 4 months, people! Yesterday was my anniversary! Yes, I’ve been counting. At first a year seemed like such a very long time. But perhaps it’s not so long at all?

I’m finding that because I have this limited amount of time in Thailand, I check up on myself more often. Reflect more. For instance, tonight as I was journaling I tried to note the ways in which I’ve changed, the things I’ve learned in these past months. I’m certainly learning to be less anxious. I think I’m also learning to be less important. I’ve always been a bit of a social butterfly- and living in a small community has been hard for me. But I think I’ve finally embraced it. I may not have hundreds of friends here, and may not feel as ‘important’ as I do back home, but I’m finding that loving the few I’m surrounded with is incredibly valuable- in both my life and theirs. It reminds me of a quote my brother Clarke sent to me not too long ago, “It’s not necessary to be important, but it’s important to be necessary.” So in short, reflection. It’s good, it’s refreshing. Do it.

Additionally, as I had mentioned in my last post, I’m taking this time to really develop my goals and dreams. What more would I like to learn in Thailand? What more would I like to do? And the biggest question of all- what dream do I have for my life after Thailand? Dreams don’t come overnight I’ve found. They develop over time, don’t they? In my nutshell, I’d like to learn more Thai, I’d like to become a better teacher, and as I always hope to do, I’d like to learn to love God and love people better. As far as dreams go, if I’m honest, I haven’t got much of a clue. I’m passionate about children, justice, and peace. It’s taken a few years for these passions to develop, so I figure in the next moments, months, and years to come my dreams will become more concrete. I’m a big believer in dreams. They are something to hope in, something to move toward. Whether it’s the dream of writing a song, or bringing peace to an entire people, it’s believing in the possibility that drives us, makes us better, and brings us together.

So perhaps today you might reflect some. Check in. And dream!!

(Because you can never have enough pictures of the little ones!)

Dream catch me when I fall.

Hello, hello! I’ll have you know, this post finds me having just returned from a relaxing trip to Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand. I am unashamed to admit that I spent a lot of my time there simply hanging out, eating good food, drinking good wine, and just enjoying a true ‘holiday’. I am beginning to understand why people in the ‘adult’ world long for their vacations!

What did I find in Chiang Mai? Well! I found myself in a mall the first day- I know it sounds boring, but it turned out to be a true case of culture shock. I had forgotten about all of the products and comforts of the western world that are unavailable in Surat Thani- but it seems many of them can be found in Chiang Mai! I was in awe of lip gloss that I would probably never buy back home, an Apple store, and a movie theatre that plays films in English! I saw X-Men Origins: Wolverine, and was on the edge of my seat the entire time. Oh, am I far too easily pleased?

Don’t worry- I didn’t spend all of my days there- I found myself exploring Chiang Mia by bicycle, stopping at practically all of the wats (Buddhist temples) along the way. Chiang Mai is a clean, and in my opinion, hoppin’ city. I was even able to check out their University, with an art building not all that different from the Wex. For me, there’s nothing like an afternoon museum stroll. And oh, how I love finding hints of home in a country half-way around the world.

Let’s talk about elephants. The highlight of my trip was spending a day at Elephant Nature Park- where practically all of the elephants have been rescued from the hands of street begging and abuse. I spent the day in awe of these creatures, fed them, and even hopped in the river for a bath with them that afternoon. I think I cleaned approximately 2 feet by 2 feet of one of the elephant’s bodies- but at least I tried. Elephants are incredible animals, and my heart broke at the thought of the way so many of them are manipulated in Thailand. It’s interesting- because elephants are greatly revered here, but are equally abused and mistreated. How do we humans find ourselves in such predicaments? And it’s amazing to think that we have the capacity to manipulate such a large and intelligent creature. We as individuals are capable of so much, aren’t we? How and where will we direct all of our strength and energy? I’m finding that I want my time in Thailand to be time in which I decide just this- where would I like my dreams to take me, and how would I like to use my capacity as a human being to create change. I’m excited about this- and I’ll be sure to keep you in the loop!


Happy reading friends, and above all else, Happy Mother’s Day! I am grateful today because I have an incredible, strong mother whom I admire dearly. I will always stand behind the belief that my mom truly is the best in the world. I love you, mom! Thank you for always generously giving me strength, support, and an example of how to live passionately and deeply. Your character and beauty is beyond words, and you are SO missed. Muah!

I'm so paid.

This title comes from a super cool mix from my mom. Who would've thought we'd end up liking each other's music some day? Love you mom! (Oh- and in case you're looking for significance, it's just referring to the idea that I actually have a job. And I'm so paid- in Thai baht.)

So, today was a fantastic day. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, but it was one of those days where I felt that my eyes were wide open to all that was around me.

I began my day by drinking some delicious American coffee (which probably origniated in a country that's actually closer to me now) fresh from the French press- and I said out loud, “Man, this coffee is good.” Then at the school I finished decorating my bulletin boards in my class room. It’s absolutely nerdy that I got excited about this, but I felt so accomplished. To top off my day, I was able to Skype with a dear friend- Rachel Welty. We talked of traveling, of poetry, of books and friends (well- I talked, Rachel typed- our connection was a bit off). I laughed out loud and thought once more, this is good.

I only wish that I could learn to appreciate such details in every day that is to come. How can I better live with my eyes wide open? I think slowing down is part of it. I think in this Thai culture I am learning to slow down more- a characteristic that I think my American upbringing and life opposes. I don’t know that there’s a formula to achieving this, but what a delight it is- to slow down long enough to actually take in all that is around you.

So, cheers to slowing down and taking a look around. Let me in on what YOU find, will you?

(Note: Matt and Karla, my Skype session with Rachel has not superseded yours. I found our time hilarious and refreshing. Tell me again, where do you live? Santa Cruz? Santa Monica? Santa Clause? I love you two!)

Okay, okay. So here are my bulletin boards. Off the chain, right?

Couldn’t possibly tell you how I mean (but I can dance, dance, dance.)

I can always count on you for ridiculously good music Miss Allie Klein! Much thanks for your thoughtfulness.

Alas, here I am!! I’m sorry it’s been so long. I hadn’t noticed that it’s been almost an entire month since I’ve written. Oops! And thank you so, so much, to those of you who express interest in my blog. You have no idea how much it warms my heart and makes me smile. I am ever so grateful for people who take the time (and even have the ability) to express the way that they feel. I think we could all do this a little bit more.

Okay.. in all honesty, I’m still processing my trip to Cambodia. I haven’t a clue where to begin, and certainly wouldn’t know where to end. But as I said before, I think we could all do a little more expressing of how we feel and what we learn, so here goes.

I guess I’ll start by saying that Cambodia is a country of great sorrow, and great beauty- the sorrow being much easier to recognize. The first city we visited, Phnom Penh, is home to more than 20,000 street children alone. It pains me to think that we can reduce human beings to numbers. I know it’s necessary, but I wish I could show you 1 by 1 all of the faces that are represented by that statistic. I met many of them, was able to speak and play games with a dozen of them, and I have found that they are just like you and me. They eat, breathe, laugh, cry, hurt. Of course, their lives look different than ours, don’t they? It’d be silly to act as if they do not. Many of them are without a bed, without a home, without a father or a mother. Oh, man, my heart. These children don’t desire great things, they desire to be cared for, looked after, known. It’s hard to believe that we fall short of offering even that, so often.

Such poverty paralyzes people and leaves them disgusted, often unable to act because they don’t know how. I don’t have all of the answers, but I’ll let you in on what I’ve found. Being aware and conscious of the presence of poverty and injustice is a start. I know how easy it is to forget (‘out of sight, out of mind’) when I’m back home, and actually, even in Thailand, because the problems are so hidden. Then, you must find ways to act. Your action will certainly differ from mine, and from another’s, but action must come to fruition. I remember my dad talking to me about whether I wanted to be a Bono or a Mother Teresa- both sought ways to relieve poverty, but each took such different paths. Bono continues to find ways to reach the masses through music and great creativity, while Mother Theresa got down in the dirt and loved individuals deeply with great detail and care. I can’t say that I’ve carved out my path for certain, but I try to keep myself educated, and I try to keep my eyes wide open for opportunities. Sponsoring a child in another country, purchasing Fair Trade coffee, simplifying your life, praying for the world, are all things you might consider in taking steps towards justice.

One thing I know for sure is that you musn’t let poverty paralyze you. I still believe whole-heartedly in what I expressed in my last blog- love is it. If you can’t love the person next to you, how could you possibly love the world and those who are being manipulated and oppressed in it? Now, most of you know me, and know that I believe in Jesus. It’d be impossible to write these thoughts without expressing that I find that he is my source of life. In him I find the ability to be loving, compassionate, self-sacrificing. Of course, I’m not always this way. I’m only human. But I find that in him there is absolutely nothing but love and goodness and justice. Whether or not you believe this to be true- I hold tightly to the promise that in him all things will be made new. In Jesus the world will be restored, and each one of those street children will know justice and love. In the depths of despair, God is deeper still.

I hope that I’ve articulated something worthwhile today. I’ll continue to process, and continue to write, as long as you continue to read. I’ll leave you with this.

‘Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.’ (Mother Teresa)

May we find great energy to love each other creatively, deeply, and honestly.